


Where’d you go?

by nonstopasshole



Series: Awkward Founding Fathers [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, M/M, Mary Poppins - Freeform, Sad, Song - Freeform, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 07:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19043635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonstopasshole/pseuds/nonstopasshole
Summary: A Jamilton fanfiction where Alexander is struggling with the death of Thomas. Based of the song in Mary Poppins: A Conversation.





	Where’d you go?

Alexander was clearing out the attic when he spotted it. It was only a single photograph, but it was enough to make him want to burst into tears.

He picked it up and gazed at it longingly. It was taken...five, maybe six years ago, before they were married and moved in together.

Alex’s head was resting on Thomas’ shoulder, his lovers arm wrapped around him and smiling at the camera. Alex could remember the exact day when Thomas took it.

He was half asleep after an exhausting day at work, and had rested his head on his then-boyfriends shoulder. Thomas had taken his phone out and snapped a pic of them both — earning a few grumbles and complaints from Alex. Thomas printed it out the next day.

Alexander had hated him for it. What he wouldn’t give to have him back, taking disgraceful mugs of him and placing all his pens on the top shelf when he was mad at him.

Tears threatened to spill over his glassy brown eyes. He placed the photo in his left breast pocket and walked to the small window, the glass foggy and unclear.

When he tried to speak his voice came out hoarse and quiet; he cleared his throat and tried again. 

“We haven’t spoke in so long, dear,” he begun, blowing a few stray hairs out his eyes. “This year has gone by in a blur.”

“Today seems everything's gone wrong here. I'm looking for the way things were.” Alex sniffed and brushed a tear away.

“I know you’d laugh and call me tragic,” he laughed despite himself, knowing that’s exactly what Thomas would do. “For everything's in disarray. These rooms were always full of magic. That's vanished...” he paused and silenced a sniffle, clearing his throat once more. “...Since you went away.”

“This house is crowded now with questions,” he said, and seated himself on the floor cross-legged. The dust around him floated up into the air from the impact and disappeared. “Your Phillips a walking questionnaire.”

Phillip was always asking Alex and all Alex’s friends about Thomas’ sudden departure. They all tried to shield the three from the truth — ‘he’s gone for a while, he’s in a better place right now,’ —but Alexander couldn’t keep up with the heartbreak much longer.

“And I could surely use a few suggestions on how to brush our daughters hair.” 

Most of the time, one of the sisters would come over to help Alex cope and take the kids out. If it wasn’t the sisters, it was John, Laf, Hercules or George.

He appreciated their help, and was thankful that they had helped him get back on his feet, but he felt weak. Weak because he had failed Thomas. Weak because he hadn’t been there for his kids.

“When Jamie needed explanations, you always knew just what to say.” When their youngest, James, had asked what sex was after overhearing it at school, Thomas had rushed in to explain it as best as he could — to his success. 

“And I miss our family conversations. It's silent...” the tears were freely cascading down his face; they were unstoppable. “Since you went away.”

His voice was so shaky, he even scared himself. The tears dropped down onto the dark, dusty wooden floor in between his legs. He choked back a sob and swallowed thickly.

“Winter has gone, but not from this room,” he softly sung. “Snows left the lane...”

He remembered when it was snowing — watching Lafayette and John outside with the kids was snowing from the safety and warmth of the living room. George and Eliza were seated either side of him, trying to coax him into drinking some homemade coffee.

“But the cherry trees forgot to bloom.” 

Thomas was a cherry tree. So beautiful and picturesque. Romantic, perfect. But sometimes they forgot to bloom. But they always did. Whereas Thomas...

Would never bloom again.

He coughed and wiped the tears away, standing up and brushing his clothes down. He checked his front breast pocket for the photograph, which was still there, and started to pace the wooden floors once more.

“I’ll carry on the way you told me.” He nodded to himself, convincing himself he would follow Thomas’ last wish and look after their kids.

“I say that like I have a choice,” he laughed again and smiled. Thomas would always pressure him to become a better man — ‘take a break, go for a walk, take a breather’ — he missed it. 

“And though you are not here to hold me, in the echoes I can hear your voice.” 

Alex could hear his laughter. His stern tone he would adopt if the kids played up. The loving, hushed way he spoke whenever Alex would get scared if there was a storm.

“But still one question fills my day, dear. The answer I’ve longed to know. Each moment since you went away dear...” He stepped towards the attic trapdoor and opened it up. He could get his friends to help clear the attic next week.

“My question, Thomas, is...” he looked back at the misty window one last time as he lowered himself down.

“Where’d you go?”

**Author's Note:**

> I did post this on my Hamilton amino account, 🥀 вιℓℓιє 🥀.


End file.
